Can someone please tell me why the hell I even bother?

~Oct. 05, 2003~

Yet again the ex has proven how big a dick he is. Well, alright, maybe not to the full extent, but he's pushing it.

Checked the email account that he and his family have, which I haven't done in awhile, and there's an email from him dated the 10th of Sept. That was shortly before he called, after Goddess only knows how long, to talk to the boys. I shouldn't have even opened it. I really didn't want to, but felt honor bound to at least read what the prat had to say. Now I'm pissed. Which isn't good, 'cause that's probably exactly what he wants.

He starts off whiney about how it's difficult for him to talk to the boys on the phone rather than be an active part of there lives. Ok, so I understand and sort of sympathize with him. But he than goes on to say that he's just another male voice amongst the dozens of others and that he can't stand the thought of other men taking his place. Making it all sound like I've been sleeping around and subjecting the boys to every man I'm with. Neither of which is true.

Than he goes on to say how he doesn't see any way to be more a part of theirs lives except by bringing in lawyers and going back to court, but how he doesn't want to do that and makes things worse. Doesn't he realize that in just saying that, he's threatened me with it and has made things worse?

And how most single mothers would jump at the chance to have their kids fathers' in their lives. Well, it depends on the father, asshole! One that is consistent, caring and genuinely cares about them and their well being, sure. One that doesn't constantly bait the mother into being angry or intentionally make jabs at her, sure. But not one that is such a dead beat he quit his job and started working as a pizza delivery boy to cut down on child support, no. Not one who's so wrapped up in his school and whatever that he can't even take the time to call on a regular basis. And certainly not one that's more than likely spending whatever money he has beyond the pathetic sum he's forced to pay to support the kids to support his pot addiction. Certainly not this one.

Than he says that he and his family will do whatever it takes to get me stationed on the west coast next go round. And that he's settled, has a life in the marijuana capital of the states, and isn't going to chase me around anymore. I KNEW he was holding that against me. Like I'd want him chasing me. And I certainly don't want to live on the west coast! Hell, half a planet away isn't far enough away! And I'm most certainly not having another go round with the Navy, not that they'd care how many letters to whoever he and his family wrote.

I started to reply and was lashing terribly, telling him exactly what I thought but I stopped myself. I actually stopped myself and didn't send it. By just writing it, and even writing this, he's gotten the reaction he wanted.

I can't go through the 2 years of the divorce again. I just can't. I feel as though I barely survived that, and in some ways I didn't really survive at all. I'm still dealing with some of it, and will for the rest of my life, thanks a fucking lot. Gods, I wish he'd just leave me and the boys alone.

I've tried to be the better person. To not lash out at him. To not use against him the very reason we're divorced in an effort to keep him from the boys, but he just keeps pushing.

Is he doing it intentionally? Is he trying to make me lash out and try to remove him from the boys lives? Maybe he is. Maybe he's doing that so that eventually he can sit there and say "See, I knew that's what you were trying to do. I told you so."

Or maybe he just doesn't realize that's how what he's saying is being taken.

Nah, he can't be that stupid. After trying to take them from me during the divorce, than threatening to steal them, you'd think he'd know that any mention of it would be construed as a threat.

Sometimes I wish I'd never laid eyes on the man.

I just hope that the boys will understand all that I've done and why I did it when they're older...

~0 Comments?~

~Previous ~ Next~

Did you miss something? Check and see...

Where I went
Just a shortie
Unconscious Mutterings for 19 Jan 04
Unconscious Mutterings for 11 Jan 04
Unconscious Mutterings for 04 Jan 04

All writing presented within these pages is copyright � Heather A. Boothby. Click here to read how this page is protected by copyright laws.

Everything else...

My Bloginality is ESFP!!!

Can someone please tell me why the hell I even bother?

Who to see...

Where to go...

What to do...

Everything else...