Where'd the real me go, and could you please come back?

~Mar. 19, 2003~

Why does my life have to be such a rollercoaster ride? Why can't I have longer than 2 weeks time where the way is straight and the pavement is smooth? Just got a call that my sitter's mom has to have some sort of test done on Friday where she'll have a needle shoved in her back, so she's not gonna be able to watch the boys. No biggie, I *hope*, since J is off that day, and will probably be able to watch the boys. Of course, I need to get a hold of him and ask, and that's all dependent on us not being in a higher security level. If we are, he'll be at work for 4 days straight, and I won't get to see him.

Ok, so maybe the phone call wasn't such bad news, but when you're woken up from a much needed nap, it seems like it. Hell, right now I want to just crawl back under the covers and go to sleep. I'm tired again. Constantly tired, though right now, being on my period is a huge factor in that. Blood loss will tend to make a person tired. Not to mention all the normal crap that makes up my life...2 kids, full time job, asshole bosses, annoying ex husband, semi-serious boyfriend, military BS and all that entails...

I can't wait until I get out of the Navy. I swear, I'm going to take a 3-6 month vacation where I don't do jackshit. I'm so tired of working, especially at a thankless job that doesn't give a rats arse that I have children and would like to see them on occasion and have the energy to play with them.

Gods, I've been feeling so out of sorts lately too. Having sudden irrational fears for no reason, strange thoughts runnin' through my head, bashing myself and my capabilities, than turning around and being just fine... No, I don't think I'm bi-polar, just can't help but wonder if I should be on the meds again. That would suck, though. I could forget about ever having an orgasm again... Of course, since I can't remember to take the bc pills, why do I think I could take those consistantly enough for it do do any good either.

See? I'm not quite myself of late...

I wonder what J sees in me...

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