I'm in hell...

~Mar. 31, 2003~

I really and truly am...

I've been moved back down to my old office, which is 2 floors under ground, for the next two weeks. Now, this isn't something that's been done just to me, all the forecasters have to do it... But I did my time down here, and had finally gotten to the flight line side, and was happy there. I was doing what I enjoy, and was trained to do, and what I've wanted to do since before becoming a forecaster. And now I'm back down here...

And if that's not bad enough, I'm working with Wonderboy. *sighs* Someone really hates me. They really do. So for the next two weeks, my work time is going to be hell. No window, no friendly joking, no J... Nothing. Just me, Wonderboy, The Head in a hole 2 stories under ground.

And it's all in the name of fullfilling the mission. Well, they're trying to fullfill the mission with too few bodies. We need more people. Period. They've got people that aren't qualified to do the job down here. The work load is nuts at night and zilcho during the day.

I really need to get out...

I've noticed, over the last couple days that my anxiety and depression levels are way out of proportion. Not sure if that has to do with being back down here or not, but it's made me seriously think about going back on the meds. And that's not really something I want to do, as I've been doing well without them, and I so don't want the side effects again. So I think I'm going to talk to J about it, though I know what he'll say. He'll just tell me not to worry about it and not to take it personally. Well, that's just it. It's in my nature to worry, though I know it's not a personal thing, but since it affects me personally, and my mental state of being...

I told him that logging on was starting to depress me as well. Though I didn't tell him how much... And I don't know how to fix it. I want to play with him, which means doing the exp thing, which means logging on and, more often than not, soloing. But in doing that, I'm reminded that I'm too low level to do anything with him and all the other people that I talk to. Which depresses me. He said he didn't realize that was happening, how could he if I never mentioned it, and that he'd see what he could do to fix it. Doubt there's anything he can do aside from de-leveling, which I'd shot him for doing, so I feel like I just have to suck it up and keep plugging. Both phrases I absolutely dispise, by the way.

Last night he and I were talking about his family, which is significantly larger than mine, and he said that he was about middle of the road for nutiness in his. He was a bit surprised when I said I was the strangest in mine. He said it sounded like my family was pretty normal. I've never considered it so, but I guess when compared to his it's down right boring. Ah well. He seems to think I'll fit in well...

We'll see...

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