sighs

~Nov. 26, 2002~

Well, I didn't go to the audition. I just couldn't do it. Than on Monday at work Chris came up and asked about it. Wanted to know why I hadn't. I don't think I did such a good job explaining to him why I can't get up in front of people and sing, but I can get up in front of them and talk about the weather... Doesn't make much sense to me, but than I've all but given up on making sense out of things.

I'm pretty sure that's why I sorta loaded up on the sweets and chocolate at the store today. Went in just to get a couple things, diapers, creamer, paper plates, milk, Tide, and came out with almost as much junk food. M&Ms, ice cream, Almond Roca... Pretty sad, really. And now the box of Almond Roca is sitting here in front of me, just waiting for me to open it and start eating.

Almond Roca... I never used to like the stuff. I always considered it an old person's candy. Silly, huh? Than one day, I loved the stuff. Couldn't get enough of it. Now it's my secret vice, of sorts. When it's "in season" I'm always buying it. Constantly eating it. And I really really like it... Guess that means I'm old now. Oh well. It had to happen sooner or later. *shrugs*

Haven't heard from any of my online "friends" lately either. Sure, some of them never really did have compatable hours for chatting, but there was still an effort of sorts made. Guess it's just the shut down comms to Heather since the break ups, both of them. Ah well, that's fine. I've been feeling the need to withdraw into myself and avoid people anyway. Tired of stupid petty bullshit as well as feeling hurt and hated. So it's back to the way it used to be. Me and the boys. And that's probably for the best, because they need me at my best, and I certainly haven't been that recently.

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