That really hurt, Ashton...

~Nov. 29, 2002~

Well, for some reason I decided to go through and see how everyone was doing, and read something in Ashton's journal that really hurt. "Seein as Heather went an took everybody off her profile, I thought it fittin to take her from mine too. Figures. People are quick to turn, you know? But I'm not gonna go into that. Too much trouble." From that it sounds like I just dumped all of them, and stopped being their friend, and that's certainly not how it feels to me. Not at all.

I've tried on repeated occasions to email and/or chat with Jenn and Jeff, and even tried to remain friends with Amber and Jay, but everytime there was no response. All was quiet from the other end. Even when I got a guestbook entry and a note from Jenn, within a couple minutes that were in direct contradiction to each other, I emailed her to ask about them, as all they did was serve to confuse me more. I still haven't heard back from that.

So what other conclusion can I come to, than that they want nothing to do with me? And yea, that hurts. I really considered all of us friends. Good friends at that. I enjoyed talking with all of them. I was looking forward to meeting them, getting all of them discounts at the store I'll be part of eventually, hanging out on holidays, doing stupid shit together. Yea, that may seem like a lot to look forward to, but I've never held back where friends are concerned.

I don't know what to do. I don't know if there IS anything I can do. And I'm not getting any response from anyone on that end so what can I do besides trying to stop hurting? And part of that is to cut myself off from knowing, and not being able to talk to those I once considered very good friends? And that meant removing them from my buddy list.

I feel like Ashton is implying that I'm the one that just stopped being friends with everyone, and I just don't see that as the truth. But than, that's my perspective, and is just the truth to me. But when no one responds to my emails, and logs off when I say hi on chat, what else am I supposed to think? How else am I supposed to feel?

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