If...

~Nov. 03, 2002~

Another collaborative journalism entry, from a different one. If...

If you have five minutes to make an impression on someone you are meeting for the first time, what will they see? How closely does the image you project reflect the inner you?

What will they see? A smiling, happy woman, with a lot of energy that has her shit together. Someone that knows what she wants, where she wants to go, and how to get there. Someone that actually knows, and cares, what she's talking about.

Is this really me? Not fully, no. It's only about 50% correct, if that. I do know where I want to be, and I do know, mostly, how to get there. As for what I want, though, well, that seems to be constantly changing. Never really the same from moment to moment.

I don't really have my shit together, either. Especially not of late. Lately it's just felt like everything has been scattered to the four winds, and I'm struggling to pull it all back together.

I'm not always happy, either. Though most of the time I put up a really good front, and no one knows any different. I'm not sure that I've ever been fully truly happy. At least not that I can think of. And I never have any energy. Never. I'm constantly tired, and feeling like the weight of the world is on my shoulders and that I'm the only one that can carry it. That's not fully true, and I know that, but there are aspects of my life that weigh me down.

However, I do know what I'm talking about most of the time. Especially if it comes to my job. Even though I really don't care for what I do most of the time, I am good at it, and I do get some sense of pride from that.

So like I said, it's about 50% accurate. Of course, that always can change as quick as the weather...

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