An entry not for the faint of sight.

~Dec. 10, 2002~

Goodness, where has the time gone? It�s really been ages since I�ve written anything here, though it hasn�t been that long since I�ve written period. I�ve been writing things down in both a paper journal as well as one I keep on my harddrive. I�ve felt the need to draw a few things back in to myself, and deal with them privately. So my musings of late have been more for my own personal use and reference for future reference, rather than out in the open where people can read my thoughts and dissect them and, more than likely draw the wrong conclusions.

I�m not even sure it I�ll come back to this online journal. But than, I terribly enjoy the collaborative journalism that I take part in, so I�ll more than likely always do that. And this is a good way to let friends know what�s going on in a quick and easy format...

You see, lately it�s felt like online, nothing I do or say is conveyed properly. This is a complete contrast to how things are going in the physical reality. Things are going quite well, and in a very unexpected fashion. I�ve gained pretty much a second family, and some great friends that I can talk to whenever I need it, as well as go and spend time with, and take the boys. And they�re not afraid or hesitant in helping deal with them when they�re getting unruly and a bit out of control. Yea I know, my boys, out of control... *laughs* Quite a humourous idea there...

Yesterday I actually had a bit of time off in the midst of this work schedule from hell. Got off work at 1, picked up the boys, and we all went and crashed for a couple hours. Than went to get the Christmas tree. I had originally thought not to get one at all, than realized that Frank would have a fit about that, so I was just going to make him get it. But the last week, when the boys saw Kim and Chris' tree, and helped decorate their kid�s tree, than helped with Maria�s tree and I saw how excited they were, I felt awful. Just truly awful. So we went and got one yesterday. The boys basically picked it out, with my approval, the guys loaded it onto the car, and off to home we went. Man, the looks on their faces seriously made me wonder why I waited. They were so excited! Ecstatic doesn�t even come close to how brightly they lit up. Because of a tree. A simple tree.

Craig came over to help set it up, and I�m terribly glad he did. Spending time with him has fast become my favorite thing to do. And that we were laughing at each other because of this monster tree just made it all the better. First he had problems with cutting off the bottom �cause the saw was dull, than while taking the tree upstairs he damn near knocked me over with it while turning a corner, than the stand was kicking our asses, until we looked at the directions, than twice, while putting the lights on it, I almost toppled over, taking the tree with me.

Which brings me to Craig. And Jay, for that matter. Jay has not replied to me in any way shape, or form. Not even on a friendship level. I�ve written him, I�ve emailed him, tried chatting on line with him, tried calling him, and there�s nothing. Hell, the letters I�ve written him have come back. 2 marked as return to sender and the 3rd as undeliverable. So it looks as though not only did I blow that one clear out of the water, but I�ve lost one of my closest friends in the process. And that hurts more than the other... But that's his decision, and that's alright. Though it hurts, I'm not overly surprised by it.

Now... Craig. I�ve known Craig since I got here. He works in the office next to mine with Chris, Tom, Harry and all the other sub guys I know. Odd, there seem to be a lot of submariners in my life� Anyway, as is my nature, I chatted with him just like I chatted with all the guys, being friendly, getting to know them so that the work relationship developed and if there was something unclear, I could ask for help. So no big deal, really. We picked back and forth, and would bullshit with each other, just like everyone else in the office.

Then he went to the security force for about 6 months, and the only time I�d get to chat with him would be when I was going on or off base, and you can�t really do much of that when there�s a line of cars wanting on behind you, so they were brief conversations, but still he was fun to talk to. Always quick with a smile and a joke if you looked like you needed it.

About a month ago, he came back to his regular job, so we started chatting and joking again. And it was even better than before. And the more I chatted, the more I noticed little things about him. Like how he has a slightly crooked smile that makes you wonder just what he�s really thinking behind that smile he�s flashing. So yea, you could say I was becoming interested in him.

So I figure what the hell, I called him up and invited him to dinner one night. He came over, and we had just as much fun talking, and even not talking as we do at work. It turned out to be a great evening, really.

Well, to make a long story short, we�re both attracted to each other, and enjoy each others company a great deal. He loves playing with the boys almost as much as they enjoy playing with him. It�s actually quite funny, because I�ll pick them up, and now they�ll either ask to go see Ms. Kim, Chris�s wife, or Craig. That made me laugh. Especially when they get mad if we don�t, though that�s a different story.

Anyway, if I haven�t been over at Chris and Kim�s, Craig has been at my house in the evenings, talking, throwing darts and just basically having a good time. Is anything going to come of this? Hell if I know. Do I want anything to come of this? Again, hell if I know. All I know is that I�m enjoying life at the moment, I�m having fun, I�m much happier than I�ve been since I got here, the boys are happy, and I have someone that I enjoy spending time with, that I can snuggle with, that likes my boys and understands that I can�t just do things on a whim, and things are good.

And if you've read all of that, go do something else now. You're eyes are tired and need a break. I know mine sure do.

~2 Comments?~

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