So tired...

~Feb. 09, 2003~

My eyes are burning, I'm so tired. Been at work since 2:30 this afternoon, and didn't get a nap at all. Today was a bit rough.

The boys were actually rather well behaved, bless them dearly for that... Than why ws it so rough? Because I couldn't stop thinking... About what? Craig. And how he can be so wonderful one moment, than so distant the next. As if he's deliberately keeping me at arms length. I'm not sure if it's intentional...no, that's not true. I know it is. I know he's trying to protect himself from getting hurt, but that's about it. There's so much I don't know about him. So much that he hasn't, that he won't tell me, I can't help wondering if I've made a mistake. Have I set myself up to get hurt when he leaves? And worse, have I set up the boys to get hurt? I can live with myself being hurt, but them... They're innocent, and don't deserve that. Was Frank right about how I'd "parade men in front of them" and this is just the start? This is what I've been thinking about all day, and this is what's been the only thing making sure I'm still awake. Oh Aset, please don't let the boys be hurt in all this. Please...

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