Thoughts

~Sept. 06, 2002~

Right now, I have too many thoughts bouncing around my cranium. Not all of them are good ones. In fact, the majority of them are negative, and I can't seem to shake them. About 40% of those are about last night and why I started crying during an orgasm, 40% are about whether or not my friends and loved ones are alright since I didn't see any of them on today when I expected to, and 20% are about myself failing in some form or another. Failing as a daughter, failing as a sister, failing as a friend, failing as a wife, failing as an employee, failing my Ladies, and, worst of all, failing as a mother. So needless to say, today is not a good day at all.

I don't know why today has turned out this way. It started off as a normal day. Got out of bed, dropped of the boys, headed to work. Tried to call John, he wasn't home. Tried to call Beth, no answer, tried to call Fenton, he wasn't there. Tried to call my sister, nada. That's when it started. And it just kept going from there. Made a fool out of myself during the Admiral's brief because the dates on the slides were wrong, and he caught it. Than had another one with our Commanding Officer and half the data in it was wrong as well. At least the weather is doing what I said it would, though that was based more on my mood than what the products indicated. So, it's going to rain and thunder here shortly, which is just fine with me. Just wish I were anywhere but here right now...

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